Why do a couples meditation and mindfulness practice
The benefits of meditation and mindfulness have been shown repeatedly in research. To tap those benefits as a couple, we have adopted a daily couples meditation and mindfulness ritual in our lives. We believe meditation as a couple improves our relationship.
Best time for the couple meditation exercise
It can be hard to find time in your busy schedule, but it’s good to do the meditation daily. We find it best if we can start our day with the couples meditation as it is a great way to start the day. If morning timing does not work out, the second-best time to do it is just before bedtime; since then, you can use the mindful ritual as an excellent way to end the busy day.
How do we set up for the meditation
We like to do our couples meditation while touching each other. We find that doing the meditation while cuddling in bed or on the sofa with the other partner cradling their head on the lap of the other can work best. Seeing each other and having that physical connection makes the experience more intimate.
Our couples meditation practice
We have adapted and slightly modified Vishen Lakhiani’s 6 phase meditation for our couples meditation practice. In the original Vishen’s version, each phase follows a scientifically-backed method for boosting happiness, gratitude, compassion, peace of mind, and mindfulness. We have adapted it to our liking by cutting one step and making it work better for a couples meditation practice.
If you are keen to dive deeper into the science behind each step, you can read more about the 6 phase meditation here.
Step 1: Thankfulness
We both take turns coming up with three things we feel thankful about at the moment. These can be big or small things, but at least one of the items should have something to do with your partner. Things we come up with can range from being thankful for your partner having prepared your morning coffee or your partner having had a life-changing promotion at work.
Step 2: Forgiveness
We both take turns coming up with something we’d like to forgive. Forgiving and letting go of things are healthy for the mind.
Often, there are no relevant items to forgive, and it can get contrived to come up with people or things for the practice. Then this step can turn into a joke about forgiving your partner for some ridiculous minor thing that happened, such as "I forgive you for eating the last piece of chocolate.".
Step 3: Great future
In this phase, we both come up with visions of what a great future would look like. These ideas range from simple things to complex plans for the future. The future visions should be divided into two categories, one for individual dreams and the other for shared goals about your future together as a couple. You should ensure that you both come up with at least one shared future vision during the session to build that sense of being a team together.
Step 4: Great day
In this phase, we take turns planning what a great day will look like for us. We each take turns going through the plan for the day and share a critical item that we expect to get done today. This way, we can leverage each other as accountability partners and report the next day if we managed to do what we wanted to do that day. And if not, figure out why and see if we can support each other somehow to get it done.
Step 5: Self-love & love for each other
In this phase, we each come up with something we will do today because we love ourselves. It can be anything you feel like you should do for yourself that day because you love yourself. For example, "I love myself, so I will go to the gym, lift those weights, and get stronger.".
Next, we each come up with something we will do today because we love each other. This often is small acts of service or quality time together we plan on that day. For example, "I love you, so I will give you a nice head rub before bed to help you relax.".
We hope you find the article helpful and can use it to improve your relationship and become a stronger & more productive couple. Sign up for our newsletter below to stay up to date on our latest articles and book reviews full of similar actionable advice.